I have lost a lot of motivation toward schoolwork and athletics because of "politics."
I'm not talking about the 2008 Presidential elections, i'm talking about social politics- the kind that favor some people over others.
Coaches, teachers, bosses: these authority figures, regardless of the objectivity they promise, play favorites.
As a student and athlete it's hard to manuever around these politics without losing a sense of self. I have been criticized by my coaches for being disrespectful because my personality rubs off on them the wrong way. I don't understand how to talk to my coach unless it's about the game, and I don't understand why I have to make this deep relationship with someone who should only be there for one purpose (at least in my mind): coaching.
So, as my teammates surround "coach" and blabber on about their weekends I just feel uncomfortable. I am rejected because I don't understand the point of this effort, and I land in bad graces because I become the unsociable and shifty looking kid.
When it comes time to get in the water I am a starting player, but I feel that I have to watch my back; I am more disposable because of the coach's personal opinion of me as a person- not a player. I used to get pulled out for nearly every mistake, so now in addition to being paranoid I try to make attempts toward conversation that end up purely political. I feel insincere but I really want to be in the game- regardless of "personality" I have put forth a great deal of effort.
I am trying to be a more honest person but sucking up to authority is just plain contradictory.
I'm an eerily sarcastic person- so even when i'm being sincere or making a simple joke it sometimes comes off the wrong way.
Do I change the way I speak or act to be more socially accessible? I need to be more aware of my words- but can I really change myself?
Some other thoughts-
A question reposed:
Is it worse to write about something you actually care about (albeit overdo the profanities during the process), or B.S your way through each of these blogs. I've tried hard to not do the latter. I've read some truly great blogs and some severely bad ones. We know how to write sentences, capitalize letters, spell things out, yet if you look around there's some thought and effort lacking. What's really the bigger sociological crime? My opinion is clear.
A question I think about:
Is the pain, lack of sleep, and unhappiness I get from playing water polo really worth it? Do high school sports have to be so intense?
Goodnight
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About Me
- There's Something About Mary
- I am extremely unmotivated, and I really love pineapple. I enjoy concerts and trashy TV. I play water polo and like to run. I am an unemployed lifeguard and mad broke. Please throw anything you can my way.
4 comments:
I'm very good at making small talk with authority figures but I can tell when I am entering into "fake sucking" mode. I always joke about these encounters with my friends by doing my highpitched goody twoshoes voice. I wish I could be myself 100% of the time, but I am so used to authority figure persona, that I can't get out of it. For example, when I did college interviews, I was so fake the entire time becasue I knew exactly what they wanted to hear. If I had been my true self in these interviews, I don't think they would have gone so well. With my friends, I am sarcatic and politically incorrect, but around adults I am forced to censor myself.
C'mon mary! Rethink your situation, how do you think you'd feel if you quit playing polo. Maybe the pain you feel right now is really worth it in the end. remember last season, and all the drama and ridiculousness that went along with it? Thinking back, wasnt really worth it? Wasn't it fun at all?
I do agree that high school sports might be too intense and the politics of it all can get overwhelming. Something should be done about this. Next time someone tries to give some critisism that isn't constructive, or does something that we totally disagree with, we should speak our minds.
mary i think your being to self absorbed.
i know exactly what your talking about, really i do.
but i do belive that the politics of SHS has a bias standpoint. and knowing you, being a very radical thinker, is clearly outside of the box.
i think you should stop let it bother you so much. talk like you talk with respect due to the age factor.
authority will surround you for the rest of our lives, and i have a problem with them just as much as you do, even the smaller ones.
your a great writer, and a big thinking in a very boxed space.
my opinion: enjoy life while you can, even when it bites you in the ass.
I think a big factor in this is location. Near a big city, lifestyle is incredibly fast-paced and giddy compared to the life in a more rural area. We are in one of the toughest sport conferences in the state, because our lifestyle and expectations are so much higher.
We take so many opportunities and advantages for granted around here like even having that team. But with that, comes new problems; think, would driving to school and parking permits be an issue if the majority of our school's students was unable to afford a car? Almost every falsity in our school is a product of the environment that we have created and live in.
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