Politics

I have lost a lot of motivation toward schoolwork and athletics because of "politics."

I'm not talking about the 2008 Presidential elections, i'm talking about social politics- the kind that favor some people over others.

Coaches, teachers, bosses: these authority figures, regardless of the objectivity they promise, play favorites.

As a student and athlete it's hard to manuever around these politics without losing a sense of self. I have been criticized by my coaches for being disrespectful because my personality rubs off on them the wrong way. I don't understand how to talk to my coach unless it's about the game, and I don't understand why I have to make this deep relationship with someone who should only be there for one purpose (at least in my mind): coaching.

So, as my teammates surround "coach" and blabber on about their weekends I just feel uncomfortable. I am rejected because I don't understand the point of this effort, and I land in bad graces because I become the unsociable and shifty looking kid.

When it comes time to get in the water I am a starting player, but I feel that I have to watch my back; I am more disposable because of the coach's personal opinion of me as a person- not a player. I used to get pulled out for nearly every mistake, so now in addition to being paranoid I try to make attempts toward conversation that end up purely political. I feel insincere but I really want to be in the game- regardless of "personality" I have put forth a great deal of effort.

I am trying to be a more honest person but sucking up to authority is just plain contradictory.

I'm an eerily sarcastic person- so even when i'm being sincere or making a simple joke it sometimes comes off the wrong way.

Do I change the way I speak or act to be more socially accessible? I need to be more aware of my words- but can I really change myself?

Some other thoughts-

A question reposed:

Is it worse to write about something you actually care about (albeit overdo the profanities during the process), or B.S your way through each of these blogs. I've tried hard to not do the latter. I've read some truly great blogs and some severely bad ones. We know how to write sentences, capitalize letters, spell things out, yet if you look around there's some thought and effort lacking. What's really the bigger sociological crime? My opinion is clear.

A question I think about:

Is the pain, lack of sleep, and unhappiness I get from playing water polo really worth it? Do high school sports have to be so intense?


Goodnight

Profanity

I don't think that "cussing" is a crime.

Our society has stigmatized profanities for a long time, but I feel that "swear words" have become a part of our common day talk.

Stub your toe, hate traffic, can't find a pencil. We don't react to these situations with a gosh darn, we put in a S*** or F***.

Movies, Music, TV Shows, Basic Conversation: All of these things are littered with profanity.

So why do we still treat something so common as so taboo in school and the workplace?

If we're a sociology classroom then we should respect the social existence of bad words in everyday life.

I don't think writing F*** necessarily makes something coloquial either. If my use of negative language is so "coloquial" then shouldn't half the kids writing in all lowercase letters with crappy (excuse me: poor) grammar be picked on?

I think that bad grammar is a bigger sign of laziness and disinterest in these blogs than a cuss word.

I understand that I have to tone down the S*** because these social standards still stand, and I may have overdone my limit for a school assignment...

Yet, let's face it: Swearing isn't going away.

So why the bad rap?

Is it really that easy?

Morrie made things seem too easy.

Life isn't that simple.

You can't just ignore the whole social construct we have going.

At least that's my take.

Sorry for the half heartedness.

I just didn't like the movie.

Winning

I got into a selective art show that took place today at "The Great Frame Up."

I was extremely proud of my work.

But- I don't win. I am not a winner. I enter contest after contest and regardless of how simple the criteria or the rules I find that I almost always face rejection.

My piece took two months of intensive labor, but a friend of mind walked away with fifty bucks and some honors in my category.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I think I have a bad personality. Maybe i'm just not likeable? I got up to talk about my work, and I think I was the only kid who didn't get a hand shake.

Maybe I give myself too much credit for being good at shit I might suck at...but who knows?

I sure as hell don't.

I hope that later in life my artistic and general endeavours end up with some kind of blue ribbon...be it a pay raise at work or noble prize.

Maybe i'll end up appreciated long after i'm dead- most likely not.

Damn society and their unreasonable opinions toward all of my genius (yeah right).

By the way, if any of you have seen Juno check out the blog of the screenplay writer Diablo Cody. She used to be a stripper, but now I think she's just floating in comic awesomeness.

I feel far too lame to keep this post going so i'm going to try and regroup and remotivate my life.

I need to think of some kind of community service plan that I care about because GIVE seems to be bullshit quite frankly.



Goodnight.

Blood

Caution: This blog contains graphic descriptions and coarse language. (Sorry Sal)


We were supposed to blog about "A Bronx Tale" so i'll make my connection right off the bat. I know what it feels like to get the shit kicked out of you (or at least your mouth.)

I play water polo. Today I went to a men's practice because I wanted to pass more. I passed, I played, and then in the last five minutes of virtual nothingness a decent sized man accidentally hit me so goddamn hard in the face that I saw stars. I saw stars, and then I let my tongue drift around, and I could feel two goddamn teeth sitting halfway in the roof of my mouth. When you near pass out of shock it's hard to feel pain but that doesn't stop the blood from coming.

It bled like a shot artery, and when I saw myself I didn't give two shits about the fact that my lip was partially torn or that I needed to go to the ER- I just thought about my boyfriend and my beauty. Will he love me? Will I be able to get some serious dental surgery by tomorrow morning? And even now at 12:17 AM after spending some quality time with my pops at Highland Park Hospital I can only feel vain.

I'm still bleeding hard, and there's not too much on my lip to stitch anyway. I have a 7:30 A.M appointment with a dentist, and so much hate in the pit of my stomach that it's unbelievable. My gums are completely fucked up, and I can't look at myself in the mirror because I become completely overcome with disgust.

People say that love is everlasting. Through thick and thin the one that loves you will stay. I don't want to be with me right now so how could I make my boyfriend look at me. Maybe i'm writing a blog this open because i'm suffering a mild concussion, but as I sat in Highland Park in a wet swimsuit in the middle of Febuary covered in blood- I could only think: will he love me?

What is this sociological dilemma?

I wish I knew.

I can feel my mouth coming apart against the backs of my freshly crooked teeth.

I'm going to go get some legal drugs.

Goodnight.

I Really Want Brownies

It's Valentines Day, and I feel fine.

I'm in a steady relationship so there's no reason for me to go home, eat my feelings, and watch lifetime like all my Valentines Days past- but yet there is something missing.

I really want a brownie.

I don't want chocolates or roses.

I just really want a brownie.

My soul is empty and hungry.

I need this baked good.

What does this mean on a sociological level? Most likely nothing, but if anyone is reading this and by any chance is holding (brownies) please let me know.

Some Kind of Strange

There was a raging debate on the ethics of swallowing your own spit today; i'm not sure how pleasant it would be to do a double take with my own bodily secretions but I think I could lap my own spit back up if need be...

Now someone else's loogy? I don't think I could make myself down a stranger's spit unless I was offered a reward. For cash money anything can be done.

I think that's such an ironic thing about our society. We've set all of these social standards and stigmas around things we claim to be absolutely volatile, but if you give someone just the right amount of cash nearly all societal rules can be broken.

We're only willing to make changes within ourselves and our beliefs for a prize. If a teacher told me that a worksheet was optional and virtually irrelevant to the material needed for a test or quiz I would probably throw the worksheet out almost immediately. It doesn't even matter that I could've learned something new and interesting- all that matters is that the sheet doesn't offer me any reward so why bother?

Unless we can learn to break out of this constant rewards system much of our social progress can seriously be halted. We've reached an era where most of us refuse to do things unless they can benefit us in some sort of way.

I am totally guilty of playing a role in this system, but I hope that I can find ways to break my needy habits. We have become a very self centered society perpetuated by our personal greed. Of course we'd all suck someone's spit back up---the only difference is our price.